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Complete failure or a brilliant new beginning?

I’m sitting here writing as I pump. It’s actually kind of a nice thing to do as the little pump next to me whirs and whines. Sometimes I can swear it’s talking to me. If you’ve ever used a breast pump, I’m sure you can relate! But I’m sitting here in our empty living room. It’s empty because we’re moving. I’ve talked in numerous posts in the past about how we wanted to sell our house and downsize. Well, we did. We re-listed our house this spring and it sold in one week. We still had no idea where we wanted to go and if we wanted to rent or buy after our house sold. And then we stumbled upon a charming little multi-level that fit all the criteria and we took the plunge to buy another home. A much more “do-able” home at that.

I felt sad for a while though. Mega relieved, but also sad. A big part of me feels like we’ve failed. We made a terrible decision buying this big ol’ house and now we’re trying to make it right. It’s a little bit embarrassing (I know I have to stop caring what people think!), but I’m glad we’re doing it. I think it’s going to be a wonderful new beginning of making the right decisions so that we’re never stressed financially again. Tonight my family was over to help us pack and move. I kept thinking to myself, “I only got one year in my dream house.” I had a giant pit in my stomach the whole night. I mean I’m also stressed out because I have a newborn and a toddler to take care of while packing and moving, but the reality that we decided to give us this big, gorgeous house made me sad. And then I quickly realized that this isn’t my dream home. You know what my dream home is? A home with suitcases by the front door because we’re leaving to go to Hawaii. It’s a home with a car sitting in the garage chalked full of miles because of all the wonderful road trips we’ve taken. It’s a home with dirty dishes in the sink and crumbs on the floor because we’re too busy playing outside with our kids. That’s my dream home. The square footage and finishes don’t mean a damn thing if you can’t enjoy your life the way you want to.

We’re moving from a 2,400 square foot home to a 1,900 square foot home. First world problems right here, let me tell ya. We’re down sizing so we can afford more fun. I don’t think I’ll ever complain. I’m so happy with the decision that we made. I know it’s what’s best for our little family.

Arlo’s doing great by the way! He’ll be two months on Friday. He’s full of smiles and laughs and despite all his tummy troubles, he’s gaining weight like a champ. He’s seriously almost doubled his birth weight already! He’s gaining about 13 ounces a week. That’s my boy! He’s sleeping pretty well. Last night he only got up once at 5am. The night before he got up at 2. I’ll take it! He’s such a sweet boy. He’s got these big blue eyes that stare up at me while I hold him like I’m the only person in the world. Gosh I hope he’s a “mama’s boy”. I’m going to do what I can to make him one! He thinks his sister is hilarious though. He does kind of wince when he hears her coming at him. I don’t blame him. She’s a firecracker; you gotta watch out!

I’ve been struggling with some postpartum anxiety which I might make a post about later. I’m not ashamed to talk about it. Stuff happens. I’m dealing. Things will get better.

I hope all is well with you! Time for bed. Zzzz.

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