Meeting other moms is harder than dating.
Seriously, it’s so hard.
When you’re born it’s like you have this friend finding mechanism. You see the good in everybody. “Hey, I’m Jessy. I like elephants. Do you like elephants? You do? Cool, you’re my new best friend.” But as we get older, that friend finding mechanism dims. “Hey, I’m Jessy. You like elephants? I like elephants. Okay, well…bye!” Suddenly we start to clam up wondering “How the heck do I make friends now?”. Our zest for finding friends has become more of an after-thought. We try to tell ourselves “quality over quantity!” and that does hold true, but come on… it’d be nice to have some more friends. I read a research study once that said a person’s happiness is directly related to the relationships they have in their life. The more positive relationships, the happier the person.
I’ve been home with my kids for the past nine months. It’s been seriously wonderful, but also very, very isolating. I can only eat pretend cereal so much before I’m craving conversation from another adult. And then let’s bring in the fact that I’m an introvert. If you’ve ever met me, you know you’d never describe me as talkative. In fact, I’ve been told that I’m the perfect person to just sit in silence with. Is that a good thing?! Ha! If you’re also an introvert, then you get it, but our conversations tend to have a lot of pauses. Followed by pauses. Followed by an extra pause. And that’s not a bad thing! Us introverts are introspective. We give ourselves some extra time to process what the other person has said and then we have a multiple choice question pop up in our brains that looks something like this:
How would you best respond to this statement:
a) blah blah blah blah
b) blah blah blee blah blee
c) blee blee blah blah
d) blee blee blee blah blah blah
I think I’ll choose C because it sounds witty! Here it goes. Time to deploy option C! Oh they laughed! That was a good choice! And so on and so forth…
I’m not shy. That’s a common misconception. Just because I’m not a “chatty Cathy” doesn’t mean I’m shy. I’m pretty unabashed, in all honesty. And I value deep conversations. One of my favorite things in the world is to sit down with someone and have a super deep conversation. If it just so happens to be about Harry Potter, all the better! “Oh you have an unexplained crush on Professor Snape too?! Let’s be besties and talk for hours about our past and why we like a creepy man with obvious anger issues!”
Another thing about being an introvert is the need for personal space. After a two hour play date where I’m constantly running around saying “Don’t put that in your mouth!”, “Don’t hit him in the head with that toy!” and “We’ll have a snack when we get home.” on top of creating conversation with the other mom, I need a little down time to re-energize. It’s not like I can say to the other mom “This conversation’s been great and I’m glad your son isn’t constipated anymore. But can I use your bedroom and watch Netflix for an hour? I need a little alone time.” I crave the alone time when I’m home with the kids. I swear I hear my bed whispering “Come lay here for a while… there’s another season of Shameless on Netflix…”. I’m not lazy. And I’m not anti-social. I just crave some time to myself to rejuvenate. I’m like a robot. I need to re-charge.
Elly loves robots.
See how everything revolves around our kids now?! Every thought comes back to them. I’d be mad but I love them too much. I’m okay with them running my life. It’s a pretty great life after all.
Anybody want to be friends? 🙂
Until the next post!